Quitting

First: shit the content got deleted coz stupid me didnt save it before exiting the app -.- I'll try to remember what I said though and maybe I'll say it clearer this time :)

Well and I'm still on 156 back home. It must be fate that dragged me away from the bus ride to irc and back home instead. I guess its for the better after all, just like my decision to delete dota from my laptop.

My decision to 'quit' dota was simple, to buck up on my studies and promote to j2. I guess this wake up call came from how I really messed up, no fucked up, my blocks. The only thing above U was an S for physics and chinese B (LOL never expected the day when chinese is my best subject). With chinese not being counted, all my percentiles were <15% each.... terrible ._.

I guess this will be a rather short post as I had stopped writing this 2 days ago when the bus reached clementi and I just forgot about this post and what I was thinking about then would not translate to what it is now. Maybe I'll make a continuation of this subject in the future days when I rethink this.

"Friends"

I guess I can start by saying fml? I really don't know whats going on with me right now, with the first being me being unable to fully and clearly express myself, be it on this blog or with my "friends".

"Friends" eh? Sometimes I wonder if the friends i make are really "friends". This is kind of stupid but I just checked dictionary.com for the meaning and it says "a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard". Maybe not feelings of affection but personal regard would be more applicable to me.

So what I'm really flustered about would be are they really my friends or are they just putting up a facade in front of me and talking shit behind my back. Maybe as humans we all have this 1 person we dislike but still put up a smiling face and interact with him (yes i admit i do that too) but sooner or later that person is gonna realise that its all fake and meaningless, and that's what I seem to feel with some of my friends now.

I'm not gonna lie, the feeling you get when you find yourself being ostracized sucks, and its like when people that you once thought were your best friends start turning their backs to you that you realise "oh im just a placeholder until he finds a better friend". Yeah that's what I feel is happening to me right now.

I guess maybe its just me over thinking stuff but I really can't help it, its like my 6th sense is acting up and yeah most of the time its something you know but you can't explain it. I guess sometimes I try to convince myself its not the case, but time and time again they just keep you out of stuff that you feel like that.

I won't name who, as I guess if they were really putting up a facade then its not worth remembering them whenever I read this blog. But then again, these were the peoples when you had the most fun times with when you thought they were your "real friends", and that the laugh they make when you crack a joke isnt some forced bullshit just to make you feel happy.

This may sound like a really wishy-washy matter and you can say I'm just trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. But really, I really really really hate the feeling when you find out that someone doesn't seem to treat you like a real friend, and it just makes you feel like you've never met them in the first place.

As I say all these, the same few names just keep running around in my mind, and they're all from my class. Maybe its just jc then, new environment, new gender (i guess? LOL), and new experiences. I really don't know why its like that, most of the good friends I made in high school are really good brothers and I can really tell that they do enjoy my company. Its like although we're in different classes now, the friendship is still very much the same whenever we meet, and I'm really happy to have met them. :)

I guess ending with that sweet note was a good idea LOL. I can always hope that the "friends" I have are real and I can fully depend on them as they could with me :)



P.s. Oh and maybe after every blog post I'll post something random (most likely nice/good) that happened today :D


2 things today:
Happy Birthday Gee Ping! the cake was damn nice btw :D
Wah huat $100 bucks to split with Han Long from econs tuition xD

A new start

Hiiiii

Its been a while since I started/continued blogging, about 5 years? I think and at that time it was more of for fun and such. I guess my motive for creating this blog is now much different, and not really for fun but more of consoling myself and just letting it all out.

Why am I not using my old blog then? Well I guess some things should be left untouched and this is like a new chapter of my life where I want to sort of start anew (though its almost been 9 months in jc already). Well to cut things short, things have been really troubling for me and I guess this will be the most apt place to rant without disturbing others/making others think you're damn ego.

Normally the first post is either really long or really short and I guess I'll stop here and continue my rants in the next post.


P.s. Oh yeah, since this blog will most likely be for my personal consumption, though its still public and if anyone is that much of a stalker you'll see it all, I'll be using quite alot of vulgarities, and hopefully as time passes it'll get much lesser as I start to be more rational in my decisions. :D